It’s 6am. I hear the train down by the Waverley Hospital blowing it’s horn as I sit on my balcony in the dark, with five lit candles, two sticks of incense and a coal of frankincense and myrrh resins burring, ready to type. The wind is kicking up, rustling through the drying leaves and there are subtle raindrops starting to form, so I guess rain is coming. The moment just feels amazing and peaceful as much of the world is still sleeping.
I don’t really care right now about typos or technical writing skills because I am just in the mood to get these feelings out. Last night, my husband’s truck decided to just quit on his way home from Texas. One hundred miles from the Tex/Arcana border, Snow just went ka’poot. I think it is the fuel pump and if that is all it is, then I am praising God for it now and I hope my intuition is right. Or, even something more simple than that but after years as a car parts carrier in my early twenties, that is what it sounds like happened. That, is an easy fix and I just know he will be back on the road, and into my arms very soon.
This little challenge has done nothing to set me off into “over-emo” mode. Quite frankly, it gave me the opportunity to check in with my lower chakras and when Ed texted me to say, “I am broke down waiting on a tow truck”, I just kind of sat there. I waited for the normal fear and anxiety and anger toward God to set in. It never did. I even tapped into my daughter’s loving energy and she immediately came forward to remind me how everything could be worse and to just relax. (She was doing my hair at the time and giving me a nice hand massage when it happened so I just let it all go while she loved on her momma. I was so thankful she was there sending me Christ’s Reiki Love and she did not even know it. (Or did she:)?)
I do carry some disappointment and frustration in my heart charka about yet another blip in our plans but immediately I starting converting these minor feelings into hope and encouragement because I really believe that he will be back on the road in no time. And, well, he HAS to be because he starts his new job on Tuesday.
I write all of this because it is so easy to have evil, nasty thoughts roll in to say, “why me?” Well, guess what? It is me and I am not the person right now facing their father’s death with a brain tumor. I am not the person right now facing the loss of their mother or their granddaughter’s recovery from major spine surgery. I am not the person standing on the side of the road holding the homeless sign and I am not the person dealing with cancer today. I am Holly Goodyear. I am Me.
Encouragement and Hope in any given situation can seem so far off the radar when you are right in the middle of the fight for your “life’s” desires. And, last night when I shot out a plea for prayers on Facebook, so many stepped up to encourage us. I really felt them caring about us and about what Edward and I have to do on they Earth, together. People, let me tell you, we may look like a perfect couple but we are so far from it. HE and I struggle with things that I am not sure others do. (Although, I know I am wrong for saying it because you never know what people talk about behind closed doors.) Behind our closed doors we have some serious fights and some incredible make-up’s!” We wonder about our human design daily and Ed and I talk about our fears and dreams over and over and over again, ad nauseam, every day. We deeply communicate about everything!! I can only image what people may think about us and all of our MASSIVE changes over the last three or four years. I know it should not bother me but dang it, every time we try to do something new, we are halted until further notice. I guess it is because at one time we were this this nice little “obedient Christian couple” doing what everyone else was doing but when we decided leave the walls of the church, and decided to ordain ourselves as ministers, we had to learn to fight through the false lies of all these worldly economic barriers in order to determine what is really important. Once, felt the dragon’s breath of being shunned and were told when things like this go wrong, it is because of something we had done. How said is it to believe that. That is not Karma folks, that is a human lie.
You see, Ed and I have tested a few different paths with honorable hearts in order to rebuild from very a unhappy cookie cutter lifestyle. When we married we were just like so many others who just wanted a house, two cars, money in the bank and prestigious jobs. A Firefighter and a Health Insurance Account Executive. How sweet. We held leadership positions at our local church and went in and out of the sanctuary doors like robots until we were slain in the Holy Spirit enough to notice, our robotic patterns was not creating true happiness. And may I say, we had enough private conversations with enough other believers to know, they too, were just going through the motions, missing a key components in ministry and were way unhappy. We were just like all of “The People”.
So, as the story goes, we jumped ship and left our six figure jobs (combined) and tried a new path. It immediately crashed. Like a hot rich jockey betting on the New York Stock Exchange in 1929, our rug was yanked out from under us and those innocent hopeful future opportunities, came crashing down all around us. We lost a lot of material things and had to file bankruptcy. And just like that. After all of the that socio-economical status we had obtained through the accolades of others, we became a dredge of society. Corporate institutions and their employees treated us like shit. Many Work Life Friends and church family members cut us off for not being a part of their circle anymore and disassociated with us like we had Bubonic Plague. I have stacks and stacks of journal entries on how disgustingly terrible we were treated because we were now considered one of “those” people. Some people thought we went into the dark art of witchcraft and some people hated on us because we should have held on to our “unacceptable situation” and just accepted things the way there were and dealt with the shit we were putting up with quietly. And some people judged us very harshly because how in the world could we be considered a minister say the word shit? Or drink Bourbon? Or talk to Spirits. Or do Reiki? (Like everyone is so high and mighty and perfect, not!)
Listen, I know I am not perfect. In fact, I have tried many times to reconnect with relationships and apologize for anything I have done to hurt others but I must say, I have no patience for hurtful and judgmental people. I love them. But I now realize that disassociation just means room for others and I see who they are with such gratefulness.
As a Proud and Pure Scorpio sitting here writing, I have a terrible time of letting go of those I care for deeply. TERRIBLE! But if they do not wish to be a part of our journey, that is fine just know, I still mourn for some of my past relationships. I AM GRATEFUL for those who are in my life now though. Seriously!!! And all those loving hearts holding space, love and light for my stranded husband, I accept your prayers. God has completely surrounded us with a new community of souls that really see the greatest potential in this crazy Intuitive Couple. Bring Ed Home!!!!
I hope as I continue to grow, someday the story of how we got to where we are today, will completely heal with grace and ease. I think just last night having yet another unforeseen roadblock in our journey to bring Edward back home, was and is, a blessing. My lower chakras did not get wonky and I am no longer a servant to my flesh. (Just for Today). I am a teacher of New Wisdom and sometimes being a teacher, you just have to remind everyone of what asking for Patience and Wholeness means. It comes at a very costly price. You will die to the flesh in ways that no longer serve you and born of the Spirit. It requires you face an enormous amount of resistance. But it does not require us to stop living or act as if we are perfect. The gift of waiting just shows us we are not perfect but thank God, we are learning great awareness of who are are. Inside and out! Not serving anything but Truth.