You will be happy to know that today was very enlightening. I was able to take a few minutes for myself and dig into one of my books. The book is by the one and only, Ellen Degenerates and it reminded me of what I am going through at this exact moment in life. The book is titled “The Funny Thing Is” and I picked it up recently at a used book store.
Ellen has a remarkable way of showing aspiring artists just how insane you can be if you start stressing over what you are doing. It is very scary to take new steps of faith and realize, that not only do you jumped right in, but that you usually leap with your eyes closed. I really have no idea where I am going with all of this creative thinking stuff. I just know I love to write! What calms me most is knowing, that my grandmother would have cheered me on by saying, “Holly, just throw the spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks!” Yep, she really was a thrill seeker. I specifically remember the noodles falling to the floor when she really did throw spaghetti on the wall. She needed to see if it was done. 🙂
So, with this analogy, I can safely say that today I am reaching for my dream. I am a big picture thinker. Most of the time, I can skip right over the hairy details and see the grand outcome in my mind that if I keep pursuing what makes me happy, I will find it. But I do admit, without those little hairy details, my dream can quickly turn into a nightmare. Becoming a business is hard. You have to stay focused at home big time. I get very distracted as you well know. Like seeing all of the poop piles stacking up on the back porch from the arctic snow storm. I mean, if I were working 9-5 there is NO WAY I would notice the doo-key. I would be way too busy. However, being self employed and responsible for organizing my new calendar requires quite the planning so staring out the kitchen window wondering what in the sam hill I am doing gives way to noticing the stuff. It is challenging to weeding out good ideas not become a Narcissist. My writing is now going to start coming under the eye of the microscope. It is time to learn what it means to build an audience. It is time to get technical.
I need to see if any form of stage life will be a viable option for me since sometimes I freeze up when faced with “hard things” to say. So, I decided to enroll for a season at Actors Theatre as a student. No, I won’t be doing anything publicly. Not yet. At 42, it is frightening to think a girl from Taylor and Berry Blvd. has a chance in Hades of making it to stardom or for crying out loud end up somewhere on the Oscars. Although I do not put it past someone like me to Will It into existence especially after reading some of Ellen’s book today. Jennifer Lawrence may be way younger and prettier than I am but she made it from Da’ Ville. Jennifer landed the role of a lifetime. The only true notable think I really have going for me is my Passionate Goofiness for Life but I can so see myself laughing so vulnerably at silly things that the audience becomes infected by laughter!
Which brings me too…..Laughter. It really is the Elixir of Life. I find myself laughing at myself a lot during the day. I stare just enough to say to myself, “Are you seriously going to try and do this?” Well, the answer is yes. If my mimi could throw spaghetti on the wall with flair and confidence to know that dinner was done, I too, can throw myself to the market and see where I land. It is my place in life right now. And I know, God will allow a great movement to come from it!