Oh my goodness! I have let the day get away from me but who cares right? It is my birthday! I had OCD plans to get up, clean out my closet and a few personal areas of my home and then do those typical necessary evils like run to the store, exercise properly, pay bills and get ready for my new journey coming this week! My life IS (and I stress on the word IS-ZZZZZZZ!) an ever changing compass. I know by now, I am thrilled to be rolling with it all. All the changes, the learning and the life lessons that plop in my lap each week. And even though I got none of those outside chores accomplished I still sat in my Pj’s, listening to great music and thanking everyone that posted a Happy Birthday to me. I did accomplish organizing the closets, the bathroom, my new mini-office space (since I have a space invader coming home soon (LOL!) and I feel so darn good about how much (Fall-spring) cleaning I got done!!! I think the slow down happened though when I got to my box of old pictures from middle school, high school. It also held both Emily and Zach’s childhood life and I spent an extra two hours going through each memory with such thankfulness and gratitude. I could care less if I leave my room today.
May I continue to say, this week, I had felt a bit down and insecure AGAIN after all these constant overhauls in my life. I also found an old journal from the 90’s and it encompassed a lot of pain and heartache. BUT………It also encompassed a lot of great moments since I was pregnant with my son and wrote about him and all I dreamed him to be while he was in my belly. I was very afraid I would not become a very good mom to a newborn son but he is turing out pretty good! I had some great giggles reading about Emily and how she uplifted me with her silly pre-adolescent ways when I was down. Truly, most of it was very painful because I did not know how to be myself then and I spend years pleading to God for mercy and grace and prayed day and night to be relieved from my torrential mind. It is amazing how your voice comes back to you and you see patterns of fear, doubt and unrest when your heart chakra is closed. It opened very wide today after reading those words today and I commanded those familiars to leave my presence for GOOD!
My heart chakra opening today was different than what I have experienced before. It felt like someone took a crow bar to my front breastbone and pried it open. There was not that same familiar pain down in my lower area like when I get jealous or envious or when I find myself hating who I am. (Yes, I do a lot of that and I do not know why!) I did not have the tummy troubles (shits) that I am usually plagued with nor did I feel that clenching in my throat like I do when I deal with my negative emotions. Nope, it was a new opening without any judgement. Healing is in process so Good Deal!
Quite frankly, I just love when I set new energy in my house anticipating new things and since I turn 42 today I think new energy is appropriate. I will gift myself with trust and value today knowing I am loved even on those days I act like a “female dog”. So a shout out to those who share my same birthday. I bet some how we are kin in spirit and if you feel or have felt half as happy as I do right now, you can rest assured that God is watching over us all and all those you love.
Blessed be and Eat Cake!