Well, how fake would it be to pretend to be the happiest blogger on earth and pretend that I never have a rainy day? The matter???
Not even necessary to discuss those details except to say that it has rained today. It has rained on my lovely parade.
Oh, posh. Why is this so unusual to hear that another person has been under the weather “mentally” today? It could be as a simple problem such as stepping in poop or in gum? It could also be as catastrophic as losing a loved one but that was not my lot today. I did not lose anyone tragically to a death THANK God, but I did experience rain in my heart and now, slowly, the sun is coming out. This is the world as I perceive it.
My vision is a little clearer now and it is refreshing to my aching heart. My eyes are swollen as you can image from the trail of tears left behind by a personal event. The event is something that effects MY day, and a just handful of other participants, and like all ripple effects, shit happens to us and we have to collide. Yes, I said it. SHIT happens and there is no amount of writing on earth that can remove or erase a day spent unhappy or under stress. Just because I acknowledge that shit happens to us, does not make me heartless and cruel but I am now even more aware of my unexpected experiences and how un-calculated events rock my cradle.
I guess I should say, being unhappy today does not make me unhappy for life, albeit, I might have lost my patience for the challenge this week. I know each of you have experienced a great place of unhappiness at one time or another, only then to find that it built your character even MORE. GOOD! It painfully placed a new status for me to stand under. A status that says “when you are Happy, Sad, Mad, Broken, Elated, Confused” or whatever emotions you are working with, the status may or may not warrant posting to the world. But in the event you do post it, you can only hope it changes someone else’s day. Otherwise, why post?
My greatest reasons for writing are that…………. Writing releases my emotions and places them in a bottle and then the message that I need to convey in my pain, is released as well. It is captured in my glass bottle of life. And, it gives me a safe way to understand lessons and understand my monkey-brain thinking. I used to be very worried about airing my bad days publicly and making people think I deserve some type of pity party by writing about those hard places in life. I now believe that it is quite the contrary. I do not seek pity but to teach you to avoid as much pain as you can but if you CANNOT, use PAIN to grow!
When I write about the HARD experiences I have had throughout life, I believe the experiences heal emotions and is a key indicator that we are all frail humans. Frail and strong at the very same time. Why? Because, while we are so frail to crumble under pressure and in the the moments and days or weeks, you find later, that you emerge with strength.
Where does the strength come from? I think it is different for everyone but I reach for music, I reach for quiet time-out, and continued communication and practical choices when there seem to be no real clear path from one day to the next. (Usually, though the quiet comes after I have become VERY, VERY LOUD!) Not pretty I admit it and I will die with the Scorpio Scarlet letter of intenstiy but I would not change the depth perception of my life not one little bit! (Ok, sometimes I would but that is ONLY because I hurt when others hurt and then when they hurt me, my first reaction is to hurt back. I am a Big Ass Baby!) Bab’s to some and he knows who he is…..:)
But let’s put a whole other spin on this day. On this year really. Dreams. I am not talking about dreams like the “I wish” kind of dreams where you want a new car or a new dress. I am talking about nighttime dreams. Night Visions we call them and we also can say “Prophetic Dreams” or as some may call even them, NIGHT TERRORS or MARES.
There is a universal discussion happening over my life I think….. A state of mind when I am sleeping that is also giving me some type of direction. Last night was the third series of certain dreams which related to the stars. Not funny really. There are a host of you all in the land out there, who are with me in this dream state. I choose to not express who and I know it leaves you hanging but they are my secrets to have. Another Scorpio trait. (secrecy).
Now, it is my job to interpret on what God is saying to me and it’s starting to rattle my cage a bit. I get up each day and I really hone in on how to live a full and productive life for my mind, body and spirit and then try to be sure that I am posed in a positive manner for ANYONE I come in contact with. At work, home and at the store. At the races, the vet and at a graduation celebration. But people, HARK, it takes WORK to be balanced! It takes work for you to get “Up and Adam” every day and not live life complacently and in false belief that we do not have forces among us. I sat at my son’s graduation for 8th grade and became consumed with intuitive tribulations. Many have this empathy. I could see discord on others’ faces in the middle of my own grooling moment of self pity.
These forces at work are Strong Forces. AND, you can call me whacked out, Skitzo-JOE, Bi-polar Jane or anything you darn well wish but almost every living breathing being believes that there is life beyond this life and we feel it……… And by-golly, Holly wants to talk (blog) about it.
From the famous lyrics of Aerosmith’s “Sweet Emotion” to the depths of Queen’s, “Bohemian Rhapsody” right down to the bones of “I’ll Fly Away”, we need to be listening to all things around us in surround sound. Listen to the Music.
My dreams are telling me to get a grip sista’ and listen to my levels of consciousness. That I am now conscious enough to know that if I crank up the AC when I am hot, LG& E will be sending me an overpriced bill in the mail and expect to be paid! That, I am conscious enough to know if I eat NOTHING but frozen processed food and consume massive amounts of Diet-Cola, it will manifest in my body at some point and toxify me making me less likely to see what naturally is surrounding me. Did anyone tell you what Aspartame is? Really, you do not know??? I am ’bout over the lies.
And I am VERY aware that if I drink too much alcohol and swear to much and make no effort towards being generous to others (without being taken advantage of, of course), it will have a cause and effect on my path. Please do not be naive to think that what we do and say, do not make our true reality. I cannot please everyone all the time but my heart is very Big. In fact, it is very large. And in a few altered moments of expression, is very broken when I see pain. (BUT I AM ON THE MEND, YAY and YOU CAN BE TOO!)
HELLO! The Word is telling us to work while it is daylight. The Word is telling us to be forgiving of each other and to carry the fruits of the Spirit with us but we must also be very aware there exists opposite fruits which live among (and in) us as well. And, as your basket is presented before you every day, and daylight emerges at your window, trust in yourself that you will recognize when you are being “pinged”. Storms are coming, clouds are parting and then there are more storms and more parting….EVOLUTION!
My personal Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ is “pinging me!” Sometimes I may not sound so “religious” but I am telling you, I am seeing signs and wonders emerge quickly and effectively. “When the Stove it Hot, and you touch it, it burns.” When my emotions get carried into a flood of anger, malice and rage, “it burns us”. I have had a really rainy couple of days BUT I am ThankFULL in knowing, the “Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” and my God is on my side. I still do not know how my situation will turn out, but I DO know of Anger and “It Burns Us.” (These are the great words of Gollum in Lord of the Rings).