I was reminded today by a very, very good friend how I am a people pleaser. And by being a people pleaser by nature, I fail to realize that trying to please people and trying to make people happy are two very different things. In fact, you can never make someone happy. That, is a choice that they need to make by their own hand. But in listening to my friend talk with me about things today, it showed me more so now than ever that we humans drive ourselves bonkers trying to be PERFECT. (Puke!) And admitting this really isn’t so bad once we breath a sigh of relief and accept how we are wired, life does get a little easier.
I conceptually thought my entire life that if I made people laugh, smile, made great food, gave money away, helped them move, helped them with their personal life crisis’ and just paid obsessive amounts of attention to what others wanted, that I was doing them a gracious favor by trying to please. Obsessive do you hear me??
I have been pleasing my mother, my father, my husband, my son, my daughter, my dogs (three plural), my bosses, my co-workers, my lawyer, my mother in laws, (more plurals) my dentist, my OBGYN, well………every freaking body I have ever met. (Especially the OBGYN doctor on exam day. Can’t go in with unshaven legs and a ………well……..you know ladies, an undesirable hoo-hoo.) I have tried to please my Facebook friends, my government what-cha-ma-call-its, my church, my pastors, my yoga instructors, my Sprint customer service reps, and um…..my self? Ugh.
But guess what?????? It is impossible. Im-POSSIBLE to please everyone every minute of the day and obsessing over doing it day and night is just ragged. Who the hell died and made me so special? I mean seriously, like I can take over the world as Linda Carter in her shiny suit and make everything around us just perfect. My imperfections and fallible nature is what makes me natural. We grow, we learn and we grow some more until we pass away. And to relax just a moment and just let life be will allow things to flow on a much easier scale.
You can have fun, have patience, have dreams, have excellence and have a happy, dynamic life, without obsessing on how to please others when you cannot. What we (I) can do, is be genuine, honest, loving and more than anything, use my listening skills that the scary old Ms. Frank required of us in grade 1. (However, mean she was to us you must listen up!)
So if you find yourself always trying to please people and then are stuck laying in bed at night with regurgitative insomnia, DON’T! Just stop it. It really is that easy.