“The Art of Self-Sabatoge or Self-Preservation?”

I guess the 2am wake up call from the teen-age boy’s chip bag was enough to rouse my muse.  Either that, or it’s the stress of sitting here alone after years of self-sabatoge in my marriage has brought me to a separation.  Oh, trust me.  I am as shocked as you to find I have been sleeping alone now for 10 days.  The perfect couple has lost the battle on the deaf-hearing relationship war.  I guess we can decide later if the out-come is worth fighting for.  It has become a he/said she/said decorum around here and one of us had to create space.  I did.  I asked him to go.  My health and my future depends on what happens next.

The last five years Edward and I have experienced more change than most couples face in 50 years but yet still, we have seen nothing.  We have not lost a child to death, nor a parent yet, but we have lost closeness with our children, jobs and Edward lost his hearing.  In 2014 our gamble to be happy, self employed community workers, did not pay off for us.  We lost our home and cars to financial decisions that “we” both thought were in the best interest of our future.  We had plans to prosper and to become healers and ministers that would do-good outcomes for community as an intuitive couple and my goodness, these two people, who were fiercely in love with one another, could accomplish anything that God called us to do.

Now, I am still trying to figure out what has happened over the last few years that has us facing a long term separation or divorce.   Old time folk would say it was because we got into our “spiritual” closets and started to do mediumship work.  Well, one thing I do know is how I understand mediumship work, I can at least say, when one starts to do deep emotional shadow work, it does change you.

In part, the financial strain of Edward’s hearing loss and the fuck fest of having to deal with the Department of Veterans Affairs for his disability is most likely the knife that has driven deep into the sacrificial lamb we can call “marriage.”  For two years, I have fought an arduous uphill battle to help Edward through the claim process of which should have never been so difficult.  We have stacks and stacks of paper documentation linking his Brain Trauma and Deafness to his service in war.  I could photocopy every single page in duplicate from his medical records and blow your mind on how much pain and suffering Edward experienced in Desert Storm.  And in all Truth, this man has indeed suffered much.

Well, so have I.  I had to watch my husband lose his hearing again for a second time and at first, the Fear was paralyzing.  How would I dare to learn a new language culture and be a strong wife emotionally for a man who lived in a blanket of pain and silence?   Tragically, I had never experienced such a change and nothing prepared me for the painstaking experience to become a Deaf-Hearing Couple.  Luckily for Edward, this is not his first rodeo.  He was deafened from battled and had already experienced a 4 year life as a “deafie.”  But Edward, in his own words, told me how difficult this would be.  He was right.  We are not healing from these losses and in fact, we are self-sabatoging our “marriage.”

So let me spin you there, a “deafie” is a derogatory term for a Deaf Person.    Deaf culture is NOTHING like the Hearing culture.  And Edward has had to navigate thru trying to be a deaf man in a hearing world minus the fact he was not born that way.  He has become “disabled.”  An invisible disability and one that serves a purpose higher than you can image.  He can’t use a phone.  He can’t talk to me from the other side of the room.  I can’t talk to him without slowing down my every thought, facial expression and God forbid I sign something wrong in the middle of a passionate sentence.  His favorite line……”The Word “Suspicious” rings up, “Sassy-Bitches” to a lip-reader.   As a married couple. the things you take for granted become a nuisance.  There is no more sharing music, singing or impromptu dancing at a ball park on a first date.  There is nothing but tinnitus and migraines from the communication barrier and stress because an unemployed deaf man can’t get a job or benefits.  Friends and family try so hard to throw our suggestions on agencies or non-for profits that can help.  Please hear me when I say this in LOVE………..”WE HAVE BANGED ON EVERY DOOR FOR HELP!” We keep falling through the universes cracks.  I am not kidding you.  It would take a lifetime to tell you how hard it has been to find any agency willing to see the truth here and provide ANY monetary assistance to our family.   And that my friends, is why I have been forced to work 60 hours a week for 2 years.

And that was my own fault I guess.  I wanted to save the dream of our practice at all cost.  I, well, Edward and I had a dream at first to be together in our work.  We wanted to work side-by-side and build The Reiki Station as a couple, so Edward chose to pipeline and travel to try and support me while I went to school to get a foundation going for the practice.

I, being pride-ful and self sabotaging, worked and enrolled in every class I could get into, because I realized that in order to be a catalyst for real change in or healthcare system people needed to be educated on how to make that change for themselves.  I spent the last three years, working and educating myself on yoga, and massage, and reiki and food in-take and spiritualism and exercise and trust and values, and the whole time, self-sabatoging my own life I guess.  I did not know that Adrenaline Poisoning existed until I became a victim of it.  And, yes, I have created an Auto-Immune Syndrome for myself.  How in the bitch did that happen?

Well, adrenaline is meant to preserve you in a “fight of flight” reaction.  You know, the saber tooth tiger is chasing you.  In my mind, that translates to “how the hell do we pay the light bill is chasing me?”

As a wife and Mother who was now facing a disabled husband unable, to find quality work for himself, and with all his new boundaries I tried harder to fix the situation. I completely toxified my body with stress and on Dec 28th found myself in the hospital with a pulse rate of 38.  My immune system crashed and my emotions were at the end of the barrel.  And honestly, people say I inspired them but no one has an idea of the pain and suffering our marriage has faced with the last two years of self-preservation we BOTH have had to engaged in.  Well, now you do and I sure don’t feel very inspiring.  At least not at 3am.

Edward is mad at me for being mad at him, and mad at the government for not helping us.  I am mad at Edward for not pushing harder for his rights and resentful that I had to manage 80 hours of claim administration and watch him go through months of mental therapy and felt as if the World was on my shoulders to provide and preserve.  And I want to blame the government because they just send you around and around treating you like the hamster on the wheel that you are.  I would love just one face to face meeting with someone in office who says they Love Veterans.   Prove it to me as a face the loss of my marriage and my husband after 15 years.  I apparently did not get that memo that they really do care.

I was reduced to begging the VA Regional Affairs office to help us with this appeal because our ship is sinking and I was getting sick on Dec 27th.  I BEGGED them to take our documentation and please make the right decisions.  We wanted a lawyer.  The regional VA office, said DO NOT GET A LAWYER.  The doctors said we needed a LAWYER.  The regional VA OFFICE said you will complicate the process.  DO NOT GET A LAWYER.  I tried to get a lawyer.  But I was too busy working my ass off in self-preservation to find new clients for my practice and worrying about how to pay my student loans payments, put gas in my car, pay my rend and even buy roll of toliet paper for my office.   I had become more and more ill and bitter and tired and more than anything, angry with God for the irony in it all!

I though finally found the right path for my life, (and I thought I was going to be in it with my husband as a partner) and then some wild ass marriage problems arose, fighting ensued and I am lost to what just happened after 15 years of marriage.  Who do I blame?  Me.  Just me.  And my shadow.

Did I self-sabatoge along the way and not realize it?  Did I open up a can of worms that would have never been opened had I not sought out happiness?   Did I decide to experience my own healing journey so immensely, only to wake up and see this kind of healing comes with a price?  Just Ask Jesus.

And honestly, I am not really mad at Edward.  He too, is just trying to Self-Preserve.  He and I both need your prayers.  We are lost in the mess of a “broken marriage” and now we cannot be in a room without blaming each other when really, it is no one’s fault.

God allowed us to become so close in the beginning.  It’s nice to know you Love Another Human so much you allow you to see the Shadow for what we both really are.   We are now both just hurting children asking our Father in Heaven for his best practice for our life.  We apparently, have just fucked it all up.

The question now is will our Shadows be healed and will we culturally and financially have to go our separate ways? Did Deaf/Hearing differences destroy us even when we did not mean for them to?   Did I lost this battled of self-preservation though self-sabatoge or am I too, just a victim?  (I don’t play that role very well because I am a born warrior and well, a Scorpio.  Sometimes she has to burn it all down to rebuild it).

And to all who love us, yes this sucks!  But everything we have tried to do to mend our marital fences ends up in some weird form of incommunicatable Self-Sabatoge/Preservation on both parts and we are now a broken home and it does not look promising.   Prayers are appreciated.




“Having Hope. Happy New Year 2018.”

Strong and Secure

Everything changes.  It is imperative to stay in hopes that when things “do” change, and they will, that you have fastened your universal body belt, (the silver tether) and you are engaged, for lift off.  It is New Year’s Day.  It is 2018. I have lifted off.

2017 stretched me further than I wanted to go.  I was willing to transform into a more conscientious person, a mindful guru of sorts.  I was willing to put my heart on my sleeve and respect the boundaries of Earth, Water, Sky and Person.  I promised myself I would learn lessons on boundaries and “body respect” and though I feel I fell short this year on quite a few things, I almost killed myself with stress by not respecting my body.  My health went from vibrant to villainous this winter.  Somehow, an auto-immunity kicked into hyper-speed during October and I went south fast.   It opened my eyes widely and with a heart rate of 38 on December 28th, I decided I better look deeper into why I am sitting in the Emergency Room two days before New Year’s Eve.

It all started back in MT school.  We were busy, rushing though life to make it, and I began to eat LOTS of Tree Nuts.  It was my staple.  I had been fast approaching a 125 pound weight loss and age 43.   “Better kick it into hyper-drive” if I wanted to stay looking young and vibrant since I, had serous body image issues.  It started at age 5.  Regardless, I was determined to make my mark in history showing young women, (with body image issues as well as emotional grain) that it was OK to fight for yourself.  So, I fought.  And my journey is meant to help others with this issue.  It is just one of my many callings.

I fought to not gain weight, by eating lots of fruits, veggies, drink water, and detox my body.  But I ate way too many nuts during this season and beyond.  My Liver, (anger) was always firing off and although at times, the bourbon was a nice touch after dinner, but my mind kept falling off course and the morning routine was began to become painful. I decided to give up all alcohol in November.  Best thing I ever did!

Bourbon dehydrates you, and can cause severe diarrhea even in moderate quantities.   I looked around, and social drinking was just normal, so I did it too.  But my Liver reminded me it was aging me fast and me, as a Scorpio with healing talents, we shouldn’t drink anyway.  Our bodies are massively sensitive to energy.

This is indeed the reason I am so good at my work.  Intuitively, I am naturally intrigued with the body.  Especially mine.  And for some reasons, I just know how to help my clients.  I was trained very well and I think because I am so in tune with my body now, it makes for a GREAT Massage Therapist.  You are able to connect with the client and assist them in their awareness.  That is why I was so aware which what was happening to me it just took me a minute. 😛

And so, the tree nut binge began a series of rashes.  Bad rashes.  Like months of painful inflammation and I sought medical attention to the tune of $2,000 the summer of 2016.  Rashes would develop on my eyes, my cheeks, my neck and my arms.  It was not until this past November that I identified the allergy to nuts.  I went into a terrible 4 day bed watch and mild anaphylactic shock.  My lymphatic system clogged and by December 1st my body had decided to shut down the immune system.   That my friends is what happened this week.

You see, it was not just the nut allergies, it was the adrenaline poising.  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, RA and dozens of other AI conditions are typically a result of auto fatigue.  Meaning, you just don’t stop.  My family, my friends, my business colleagues all kept telling me to slow down.  But how do you tell, a hard working mother and wife to slow down when so much tragedy was befalling the home?  If you were faced with keeping the doors of your new practice open, putting food on the table, paying the billings, marketing your brand and studying one of the most important pieces of the future of our healthcare system, and then deal with the tragic financial stress losing one income in the home due to a disability, you probably would have gone into AF (adrenaline fatigue) as well.

Somewhere between realizing you had made a $20K investment in your practice and you had to move your teen-age son 5 times in 4 years, (debilitating his chances to steady his grades and have a great high school experience), you may have even felt a little guilty as well.  Zachary rolled through these punches like the hard core Cancerian he is and always showed me he supported the Home even when he was unhappy.     That boy fits the mold of his Astrological sign like no one’s business.

I could go on and on about why I got sick, but last week, it almost killed me.  So, I made more changes.  I am making changes as we speak and why not, it is 2018.  I am wiping the slate clean like the rest of us, and not making silly resolutions like “I will floss my teeth five times a day.”  My resolutions are deep and emotional.  My resolutions are to be more honest and genuine to myself so that as I am in that space with others, people will continue to see my bright shiny light, not my sagging cheeks and weakened collar bones.  The body is only so unforgiving for so long.

It is my Hope that 2018 will no longer crush me under the weight and stress of my current circumstance.  It is my hope that as I surround myself with people of love and light and truth, that my current physical condition will improve.  It is my Hope I can spread my energy in all the right places:)

And today, you may wonder, why would I teach an “aerobics class on New Year’s Day” if I am so sick.  That is not slowing down.  You are right.  But you see, I need to RAISE my heart rate.  38 is pretty Damn low.   45 is normal for me at a resting state.  I guess I am just that Zen and I need cardio on a regular.  And apparently, I have excited a few other women to join me in this crazy fun dance adventure so we are going to laugh and a have fun  That is healing.  Dance is healing.  Music is healing, Movement is Healing.  Knowing the flow of Yoga, Dance, and Fitness is Reikirobics.  This my friend, will be my new jam for 2018.  I will take it easy.  But I will drop it low and have some fun with anyone who wills and Dance my way back from the Grave on occasion.

For those of you that know me, you know my Heart.  You know the challenges I have had to face have been devastating to many of us.  I have had to move clients around from appointments, and explain to those that love me, why I have been sick the last few months.  Well, I just gave you the answers.

It is my sincere HOPE that 2018 brings me much advancement and nourishment.   It is my sincere HOPE that 2018 brings my diversity in my business and my eternal contacts.  It is my sincere HOPE that 2018 allows me much time in community educating people on what I know to be My Truth so they can find theirs.  It is my sincere HOPE that you understand the process of being truly well is not without some pain.  It just is.

If you do not listen to your body, it will tell you anyway so let’s start the year off right shall we and make it Real.  Trust in the process of HOPE.  I am offering 2018 Health and Wellness consultations.  They are $75 per session and they will open your eyes or your money back! I believe so much in what I am now building that I would really give you your money back if a Health and Wellness Session did not serve you in the highest.

For me today, it is quite frankly what I am standing on for tomorrow and the tomorrow’s that are not always promised, but are sure to come.  I want to wish you a very Happy New Year and thank all of those who have loved me through a very painful process.  It will pay forward to others.  This I Believe.


Holly Goodyear




“Happy Thanksgiving Pal”. “Gratefulness.”

Today, it is Thanksgiving.  This blog will come with quick keystrokes and a heartfelt message.  A message that says, “I love you.”  It says no matter who you are and where you come from, I know you have value and I am thankful for our journey.  I believe that we are all connected and that in time, our consciousness will guide us to a better tomorrow.  I am thankful for you.

Now mind you, today is not going to be horrible.  Today is already just bliss.  Today is jammed packed full of fun activities with my “pals.”  Or in my case, my siblings, who are my “pals” and my foundation.  Mother, will be expecting me and, my tofu like dish.  Ok, not tofu, vodka infused lemon glazed roasted veggies.  How does that sound for Thanksgiving?  😛

So what am I Thankful for this year?  I am thankful that I have grown.  I have grown, precisely into a practicing massage therapist and a teacher.   Albeit my marketing strategies have been a mess but when your hands are in demand, you flip a Facebook post over, like a burger, well, you just keep going.  I struggle to dig out of voicemails and emails, not to mention text messages.  (Keep sending!!) They are presents of joy on my phone!

Oh and, did I mention, I am a part time student at an amazing school on Yoga.  The type of school that teaches you from the Heart of Yoga and helps you establish your practice as a lifestyle.  Hey, learning Sanskrit after learning ASL will blow your eff’ing mind, just saying.  So, not only do I have to work hard to run a business, study a new concept of “being” and show up to class,  I must apply this education to my lifestyle so I can share with my family today and others around me.   How sweet is this Thanksgiving Day?????!!!!  I get to have so much fun today!

You see, I am tired.  I manufacture my own flyers and wash my own linens and I struggle to get up at dawn and find time to either workout, do yoga or meditate.  I get stuck in the bed having dreamy time with my dreamy man, and we talk about all of our castles that were built on sand and we just take the time to connect.   Then, I hop up, get a move on and put on some music to start my day.  And all day long, people ask me “How do you do it?”  “How do you get fit, lose weight, work triple time as a massage therapist, do sales, booths, pay your bills and eat “fairly” healthy and still want to build an Empire that will change how we look at healthcare all at the same time, brushing your teeth?”  The answer.  You teach.

Teaching others to do what I say AND DO, is the key to a successful massage therapy practice.  I could go on and on about how passionate I am about Body work.  My own, included.  And now, I am now going to share with you the one magical key to having a wonderful life in the midst of internal stress breaking loose on the home front, (as happens to all of us,) and I am going to tell you how to be Happy and have a great day today.  Here goes.  It’s because of Gratefulness.

Have Gratefulness for every hard spot in life, every child that is on drugs, every broke down bank account, every flat tire, every stolen purse, every last dollar for pet surgery,  every misspelled word, every fever blister, divorce, death and resurrection you can think of.   Just say, “I am Grateful.”  Even really when your heart is broken and you are not.  And you are missing your mom or your brother.  When you know that someone from your past may want to jab a fork into your smashed potatoes.  It’s only because they know your boons from childhood.  Get over it.  Pass me the mashed potatoes.  I’ll eat some today.  I am Grateful to see my family.

Loved ones, listen, I blog and share my life with you because I am open.  I am open to all who ask me how I stay so happy and energetic.  I do my WORK!  I teach people to do their work.  And when I need to do blog therapy, I write about it.  So, if you read this post and want to share with others how you are changing your life for the better, at least click like so I know you read it because you are the one I am praying for.  My Universally Connected Reader.   Today is not easy for all.  Be mindful of those you love.

Look, if only one person knows I love them and that this inspiration is for them, then I am Grateful.  I love my life, my friends and my lessons.  I love my family and I love YOU! I love ME too.  Now, I have said my peace.  Let’s go have Thanksgiving!

Gratefully written,

Mrs. Goodyear


It’s My Party and I’ll Blog If I Want Too!

Seek Out Your True Destiny with Yoga

This Brownie I just made for my Birthday Weekend is Exceptional!  None of us had time to bake me a cake for the Old 45th Celebration this weekend so today, after an intense day of administrative catch up, scholastic study and a deep personal yoga practice, I sealed my birthday vacation weekend up with a warm batch of Gluten Free Brownies From Fresh Thyme Farmer’s Market and one shot of Bourbon to settle the soul.   I haven’t been using the Spirits (aka. wine, bourbon, beer, etc)….much lately so that I can be clearer in direction as we approach Hollow’s Eve and I set my intention for catch and release this Season.    (Pronounced Hallo…..weeeeeen for those less apt to understand the meaning of hallow behind the holiday.)

The fact that this Brownie was gluten free AND topped with Coconut Oil based Chocolate Frosting allowed me the nerve to have a larger piece.  More of a gluttonous advantage I suppose.  🙂 Ok, I had two of them.  I had two large brownies.  Not, one but Two….Large… Brownies……just now……Why?  Because when you have a birthday on Halloween Weekend, you PARTY!  You do! 🙂

And, because I could and they are so warm.  And, it’s a celebration of my life right?  And the one shot of Bourbon gives me the courage to wear my heart on my sleeve and write blogs, just for the sake of doing so, as in therapy, so it all just kicked in along with that warm, hot brownie experience and this shit is worth talking about.

These Brownies are rich and moist, and the edges are so perfectly crispy that once you get the right amount of sink in your teeth when you bite into them, you come to the truth that Brownies, are the saving grace of all guilt and sorrow.

The Coconut Oil Frosting was scary at first.  When I went to eat out of the organically marketed can, (like I did in the old days of Betty Crocker and Duncan Hines days), the newly formed Frosting just kind of chopped out of the plastic can and broke into dry, un-silky-smooth pieces.   I cringed at first but I waiting for it and used the frosting on the experiment in the kitchen.

There was indeed, a significant difference between organic Coconut Oil Frosting and the “traditional” mass manufactured frosting from a can I used to eat out of back in the 1980’s.  I must say, I was heart broken at first, but I waiting to put the coconut oil Frosting on the hot baking Brownies and as they cooled, it actually melted into the perfect layer of chocolate and sealed the core of the gluten free Brownie like Magic,  offering me the perfect bite each time.  Just sayin’……..BLISSED OUT ON BROWNIES!  (No Pot Included).

Now you may be asking is this blog going to be all about my immediate trending Brownie experience?  Well, duh, no……It is about me.  It is about the amazing time I just had over the last 4 days being on a “4 day vacation” time from working at all…..  Now, for those if you that read this that know me well, you KNOW, I am obsessed with my career.  Like, O.B.Sessed…….I love what I do.  But blogging for life is my real goal and it is so freeing for me so, well here we are!  Blogging about Life…..

You see,  if I don’t take little breaks in-between to set my karmic energy in place and revisit all my cosmic karmic intentions, I jeopardize my own personal health and wellness practice.  I would do YOU (my clients and family) no good at all if I did not take time off to recharge and revisit where I am in my life!  Writing gives me the freedom to do so.

Being a full time, Licensed Massage Therapist, and being in School for Yoga is a lot.  Being a mom, is a lot.  Being a helpful and patient wife is like………………….holy shit, I think I plane just crashed on top of my house.….yeah, it’s like that sometimes.

Owning a business and being a responsible LLC who pays their taxes is a lot.  Promoting a Brand and Supporting Yourself and others on Social Media is a lot.  Giving back to the community with charity and ministry because you know you have the power to help……..  It’s a lot.  Being a visionary and a fore-runner to try to change the minds of the sick and unhealthy when it comes to balancing their Doshas, yeah, it’s a lot.  Being Patient and Humble and Fun at Heart at the same time, it IS A LOT!

Taking a risk with your hard earned money and using your fierce passion and reputation for seeking ultimate transformation and change in healthcare under a resistant society and by using your testimony as a poor, fat, uneducated white girl in a broken down region of American Society, is going a bit rogue, and is against the grain of security and popularity and well, it too, is a lot.

Need I say more?  You see, I decided to take this weekend and I use it to change those things in life that separate me from Higher Learning and Higher Vibrations.

Traditionally I have hated my Birthdays.  They have brought on some highly charged emotional episodes.  This year, I decided to align myself with the right energy and BAM, it has been full of excitement, from being baptized in a cold water cave to experiencing one of the most loving and true birthday parties with friends that I have ever had; it all turned out just perfect and tomorrow is going to seal the deal for me.  Halloween is here!  The Door to Change is OPEN!

Something very powerful is about to take place in my life.  I know it it coming and I am taking the time to write out a letter of Gratitude to the Universe for what is about to happen in my life.  Tomorrow,  I will write a letter of intent, on paper and burn it in the caldron of my Heart.  It will be a sacrifice to burn out the old and start again anew…

The last three years have been the hardest for me yet and now, I am happier now that ever and more prepared to move into Sanctum Sanctorum with Grace and Ease.  I have found more support in my open vulnerable state of mind, during these last few years, than had I been a fraud and hid my struggles from my circles, like I had done so in the past.  My open door policy for Truth in Action is paying off because we all have skeletons in our closet.  But, what does this all mean??????? ……….

Ground Control to Major Tom.   The Scorpio has Left The Building.  She Now has Her Rocket Back on Course.  The Phoenix is Ready to Land.  And the Brownies, well are just so Damn Irresistible and rightfully so!  Happy Birthday.  1972.

In Love and In Written Mystery…..

Eleanor Elaine Phoenix



“A Therapist’s Passion!”



Time is flying very quickly.  Just 15 days into January and I should be getting ready for taxes and Spring Cleaning, but not so.  I am swirling.  Great doors are opening in directions unseen.  You see, when you plant a vision and the seed is as big as a ostrich head, you prepare if you are smart.

When I first envisioned my “wellness journey” from a self sabotaging corporate mom, to a hip-hop wacky unicorn, I had no idea how I would get there except just show up.  And through ups and downs financially, spiritually and emotionally, I can see a horizon.

People like “me” (especially water signs) are fluid in dreaming.  I guess that is why I go to bed at 8pm and rise at 4am-ish.  Maybe 5am, on a late day, but I was told as a child, “the early bird gets the worm.”  Thats a metaphor.  Although, technically, this one is true.  Do you know what a metaphor is?

My blog spot has become my one place to just quickly unleash my thoughts, unabridged and move on.  I try to focus on some kind of spiritual harmony in order to put things happening down in writing and some people get my jargon and, some do not.  I KNOW I have offended a person or two in my writing times, but once the true heart of the intention is understood, misunderstanding leaves and great things unfold.  A true writer knows to leave an err of mystery to the written word so sometimes know, I type in riddle…..  Which brings me to……………

Passion.  Dreams are fueled by passions and all too many people have mistaken their daily opportunity to earn a buck at work is the identity which defines them verses, being and doing what you love finding passion behind all things, should be what defines you.  (jobs included).  In my job, as a therapist, I am meet new people everyday and the conversation begins by people noticing I am living my passion!  And, I say Yes to that but it has NOT been easy at all!  It takes passion to keep going and pick up the pieces when the chips have been low.

What about you?

Are you passionate about getting healthy or getting out of pain?  Are you passion about healing your relationships with your family, old friends or transgressors? Are you passionate about helping you community locally verses bitching and complaining about the state of political affairs?  Change it.  Seriously, you have the power.  You just don’t know it yet dear.

Our city has become a mix of modern day passions!  I see poverty and wealth.  I see art and conservatism.  I see local leaders wanting to make Louisville Unified verses extreme diversity and having lived in several parts of this city, I can say there is a change coming!  In my opinion, too much diversity breeds difference where the intention of unity says we are all human.  Maybe that is why they both have a U in them?  😛  It is up to you and I am here to tell you to watch out!  Louisville and it’s growth is showing great passion for helping small businesses grow and get started.  It takes Passion.

Look guys, I can’t even begin to share the amount of passion I have for my path as the a massage therapist and owner of The Reiki Station.  This company will stand for nothing more than a genuine article of the Author.  🙂  And, I recall the moment, in the shower soon after being attuned to my Reiki Mastery, when God said, open  “The Reiki Station.”  I replied to God, (yes in the shower as you all talk to yourself in the shower, I know you do……haha)………..and said, “What’s a train got to do with it?”  And as the gracious Master Voice humbly replied to me, “No, Stupid, a Radio Station.  You are all frequency.”  Oh, duh.  We are all made up of energy.  Thus The Reiki Station was born.  That was mid-2015.

Fast forward to today and as a passionate massage therapist with a heavy healthcare administration and sales background, I decided in order to develop my brand, all I needed to know how to do was to help people decide how they to channel their personal and physical energy.

After three solid years of study and finally officially making my way through Massage Therapy school, my passion for my purpose to help people find Mind, Body and Soul (or Spirit) help, became my Quest and MY BUSINESS!   That my friends, is what The Reiki Station is about.  It is about helping you develop a mindful practice for optimal health.  Whether I work with you for wellness coaching, astrology, aromatherapy, massage, accupressure, fitness or ‘other’ remedies for health, you can bet I have touched on the subject as a self- practicing provider.

My purposes on this planet is to develop a business model that will all me to help COACH, LEAD, DEVELOP, EDUCATE & TREAT you for the causes and symptoms within my scope of practice! Are there areas of your life that need attention, particularly if you are a woman???  As a Therapist and Reiki Master, I can help at least determine if there is a pattern behind your stress or pain.  But I cannot give you the passion to want to make a change whether physically or emotionally.  That is up to you.

As I do my own work, detoxing, praying, meditating, exercising, being open to change, trying new things, talking to new people, volunteering for organizations, work on bad hips and pay my taxes, I think I may have just tapped into a new flow and I need your help to spread the Word!  But first, check in with yourself!  Are you optimal today?  Do you need a quick work over, like a massage????  If you do, my table time is quickly booking up so please think about prebooking your spring session for a massage with me and a consultation session for “other” ways to make you feel better.  When we humans come out of harsh winter, our skin, muscles, bones, joints, emotions and checkbook are screaming for attention.  I can help facilitate movement and healing but you have to make the appointment and then, a plan to keep your life moving in the right direction.  (maybe that is where the train is coming from?)

Quickly, take just one moment and ask yourself are you living in your genuine passion as you should be, because guys, WE LOUISVILLIAN’S ARE SHIFTING TO A MORE HEALTH CONSCIOUS SOCIETY!  And, I can tell you it feels great so come see me and let me help you find your passion too!   Come see me!




“Slight Dippity Doo! Hey, She Said Doo. Ha!”


Hey, first of all not a peep of this blog is coming from a place of Fear.  Fear Based Intentions will destroy you and as I come of age, I realize that thoughts are exactly what project Fear when the chips are down, but nonetheless.  I am still in the game, fighting, winning, although in this battle I have to let go of a few attachments first.  But, on the bright side, I still have my health and my optimism.  My natal chart shows my Jupiter was in the Sign of Capricorn which tells me that materialism in my journey will ebb and flow but as long as I show up and stay in the game, downfalls only provide me resourceful ways of making things happen and eventually, my luck will turn around and I will always Land On TOP!  Capricorn is the great Mountain Climber.  Ahhhh…….rest my mind, it is designed as such so with knowledge, I dispel Fear. Bye Felicia!  🙂

As you all know, it is Christmas season.  The hustle and bustle of parties, year end reports and work-home-stress overload become primary.  We hear half of what is said to us and better yet, if we are working in a large corporation, dealing with someone else’s drama is too much to bear.  We leave charity up to the Ministries.  Which brings me too……..

We Broke.  Yep. Our expected income this month is at best going to be 2/3rd’s of what we need to upkeep this lavish lifestyle in the Ghetto.  LOL!!!  And I say that with complete humor.  I have decided that for the last three years since I “left my career” I have pretty much figured out the patterns of finance in MY life and every time I get afraid the bottom is going to drop out and we are going to be homeless, prosperity gets blocked, my closest friends tell me to snap the fuck out of it and I usually have a mental breakdown.  Let’s be honest, how many of you are worrying to the point of sickness about things that have not even happened yet.  THAT IS THE REAL LESSON AT HAND!  WE ARE WORRYING ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NOT HAPPENING YET!!!  Now, I could stop right there and be done with my blog, but Nope, let me further explain.

Factually, when you start your own business, it take a while to grow.  You are lucky to buy bread most days and keep your doors open.  Owning a business (or being a sub-contractor) still has it’s costs.  Marketing yourself not only takes finances, it takes up ALOT of Time.  And what I do is very specialized so some education and serious self care on behalf of my need to be authentic is an all consuming measure.  But here is the DEAL………….What I am building with my new choice of career should not be tossed aside just because of a one or two month shortfall.  Even big businesses ride out a few months in Red before they consider closing the doors.  Listen, running a household is a very delicate business and too many marriages end up in Divorce because the couple doesn’t consider a home, a business.  Why, yes it is!  It’s Your business!!!!

So, did we plan properly?  You decide……

1. Dave Ramsey Game.  Well, we have exhausted our 6 mo. savings.  When Ed was working on the “ah’hem” controversial pipeline projects’, we did establish a great amount of savings in a short period of time.  However, the expenses in his job, well, let’s just say, LORD JESUS!  They taxed us to death, it costs us an enormous amount of money to set up too households and like all good mommies, dun pled every bit of household responsibility on me down to the stinky laundry.  (I hate laundry.  Hell is in the Laundry room! Satan is the god of Laundry……..) BUT……..it afforded me time to re-educate myself and go to school.  And when the times of unemployment drained us needless to say, we learned to work with it.  Then, Ed went Deaf and it sent quite the ring a dig dong upheaval to anything we were consciously trying to accomplish as a household unit.  He lost his hearing in April and I graduated in August.  Great timing………:P

2. We have no real line of credit and are not trying to use it.  How many people FREAK out and start putting groceries and pay bills on credit cards instead of asking for Help.  This, my friends is the biggest lesson of all in this.  I hate asking for help.  It is MORE than  embarrassing it is viewed as pity if the wrong internal lens is shining on it.  No one wants to imagine themselves so poor that they have to ask for help, so we typically don’t.  And then we are frustrated when someone they love says to them, “I am so sorry you are going thru this, I’ll pray”.  And to that I say, “Thank you for praying!  Can I have a bite of your pickle???”

No seriously, we are not starving yet but it is getting scary!!!!  The cost of for is outrageous!  I have enough to last about three days.  Maybe a week if the Zombies hit and I have to barracade in,  but after that, I need supply!  And now that we are at the choice of keeping our cable or buying groceries, I think the food comes first!  I did just complete my food stamp application, I just have to find a day to waste and sit down there all day only to be told I need more documentation and then when I go back that next day to submit more documentation and I wait some more, I have to wait thirty days to get a card.  Zombies…..someone please send the Zombie’s!!! 😛

3.  In being honest and accountable for my own personal development I have to tell you what I am doing so maybe you can direct me in a different manner.  I am not saying I am playing all this out correctly because I really don’t have time to manage my business the way I should, I just know we are empty and the math doesn’t match for the next month.  I have terminated my OBAMA care plan because I can’t pay my premium.  I have put my daughter’s student loan repayment loan into forbearance.  I am trying to buy food that doesn’t spoil in small quantities and be very mindful with the grocery bill.  I can’t turn off my cell phone and wifi yet because if I go into the dark, this will bring up a whole other issue for not staying in the hole.  The only way to stay connected is to be online.  I do have the free public library of course.  It’s not the same thing though.  So, the cable TV is next.  Then Netflix goes next and so on and so forth as we cut costs to survive.  I have terminated my gym membership and am trying to keep my cost for self care to a minimum.  Forrest Gump ran his ass off outside so I can too!  I am doing an early termination on my space lease in Jtown because of the lack of business so I will owe this guy a lot of money.  I need prayer that he will work with me and no sue me.  He sees our situation and has sympathy but I don’t think he is going to let me out gracefully.  This dude is about money.  It’s ok.  I understand.

I think you get the picture without me giving you my check register……things are tough for us right now.  Really really tight!  What did you expect when I said all this mess with the VA is a nightmare…….all we can do now is wait????  Hello.

So what do I need??????  Mostly, for you to know the truth.  If you need some cleaning done first of the year.  Let’s book it.  If you think you are going to want a massage in the next 3 months, let’s book it.  Every wondered about YOUR natal chart.  Let’s get in on the calendar!!!!  It affords me some much needed hope as I project for my career and it may just keep me from being forced into the drive thru at McDonalds.  Or serving drinks at a bar at night.  There is nothing WRONG with these jobs……..right?  I mean, people do it all the time.  They get behind the cash register of a massively chaotic environment and hustle their ass off for minimum wage.  Would I do it?  I already HAVE DONE IT!  FOR YEARS!  I have hustled my ass off my whole life!  Jupiter in Capricorn.  It is a part of the plan!   I raised my daughter in a ghetto trailer with roaches crawling all over her bassinet.  I walked my 21 year old ass to the gas station in the middle of the night in search of Kerosene and put $4.00 on the tank because it was 20 degrees and it was all I had to heat my trailer.  But I kept working so yes, I would do it.  I am not a stranger to hard times.  What I am a stranger to is “Letting go of attachments!”  It hurts but I am doing it!  And I am telling you publicly about our hardships because you have been with me in the GREAT TIMES TOO!

I am telling you all this so that you too, can make it through the hard times and be able to ask for help!  I don’t want money out of pity so please do not take this as such…..I am looking for right work?   Use me!  Experience Me!   I need your understanding of where I am personally so you can help me professionally help others.  It is a domino effect…\  Open Throat Chakra!  Blue……………..Sing!  Dance………..Play.  #lmt

What I want to know for now, is while I wait on my Food Stamp relationship to start, do YOU know if you know of any ministries in my area that can help with fresh fruits and vegetables so we can stay healthy through the hard times?  I have reached out to a handful of people for help but, well, they are busy……it is busy season.  Busy. Busy.  

All the resources I have come across want to give me boxed potatoes and old canned goods.  No offense but my body rejects that stuff in mass quantities.   My son has been very sick internally for a while because of the processed foods he has ingested since childhood but we are slowly healing him with better choices.   I may need a little help with FRESH groceries until we can figure this out.  If they LGE’ sends us a brown bill, we can get a once in a time LIFETIME help of $250 from the VA to pay a few days before disconnection……..ok……..but why don’t I be proactive and ask for help BEFORE THE SHIP starts sinking……….DUH! :/ That is not how the system works….But…if it comes to disconnection I will ask because it is cold up in this drafty apartment……..at least Tanner and Loki warm me!  ( My heart too!)

My therapist calls it enabling when I cut up an apple for my grown son and it is, but then the fierce protective nurturing spirit kicks in and I see that he doesn’t want to be sick and he is hurting. He has been programmed to eat Fruity Pebbles.  Some of what he is ingesting is now rotting his brain. (GMO’s?)  No…she wasn’t going there.  I can slice an apple on occasion until he heals into himself.

You see, I have had several emotional and physical detoxes lately and the brain has to go thru a series of re-programming cycles in order to release what has been ingested and this is where the depression and fear comes from when you have to make lifestyle changes and we don’t want to give up our curses.  It is a grueling process to reduce our intake of process foods and people are being poisoned to death slowly.  (not to mention my previous post about the flu injections……..).  And..well…. I would rather be considered a fruity pebble myself then act like everything is ok, when it is not.  (materiallistically speaking………)  Moderate.

Guys, I am in this fight for the long haul!  but I am not sure if you understand that truest vision of The Reiki Station is more than just you coming to get a massage.  My hands are here to serve like Christ and in more ways than to just rub out your big toe pain.  This organism is about offering knowledge about how we change our body, mind and spirit in order to raise our vibration so that the Spirits of Fear, and Lack and Scarcity loose their grip on our society.  (i.e., Ministry)………You see, I THINK, people think, if you are not in church doing community with the private sector of religion, you are not privy to receive charity when you have a need.  Hey, fill out this application.  Then wait……….Been there before. Now I see why evangelist stay in the organized religion. It gives them a chance to do certain things so long as you conform to the rules…… I choose not too conform backwards but forwards…….  so I need to know where the community resources are locally and I have a specific need.  I don’t need a lot.  Maybe just some fruit, nuts, rice and pickles………And if you need a hard working person handy woman for the next few months, I do clean cat litter boxes but I’d much rather be doing my heart’s work.  Anyone for massage now?  LOL!!!!

Seriously, I write this in fun and I do have work this week but it makes it no less true that I need more clients. I can’t do this without them.  I am trying to pound through hard winter time here at home and being this naked in front of the screen can look like begging to some but to me, it is saying hey…over here…got a lifejacket?……..(poor Tiny Tim)!!!!  So, Flood me with advice!  What would you do?  Sync with me on this would ya?  If you feel called.  (Goddesses)……….Or at least send the intention to see this storm quickly pass so that I learn exactly what I need to learn out of it.   Letting Go!

If you are praying for us then thank you and please don’t stop!   I know who “gets it” and who doesn’t and that is perfectly ok! Edward and I are holding space until the VA makes a decision to rehab my husband and give him a new chance verses mutilating each other.  We tried.  It doesn’t work for us.  And Hell, if it all crashed right now, my Phoenix wings would just resurrect somewhere else, in the another time and place. 🙂 I will not live in Fear ANYMORE and I believe that God’s Universal Math does not match up with my material checkbook!! It is time to manifest true true and trust, and teach, and watch it all unfold so that I can be a strength to another.

With Love During Growing Pains,


“Two Months Since I Have Blog Vomited About My Life! Whaaaat?”

“Two Months Since I Have Blog Vomited About My Life! Whaaaat?”

Ok, so I just realized that I have not blogged (one of my personal therapeutic past-times) and well, it is time.  I do not count it coincidence that my morning appointment cancelled.  I think I need a hot moment of just being present.  Blogging really snaps me back into a beta state of mind (awareness) and for whatever reason I am called to do so, it may seem narcissistic but I assure you writing in any form, is a calling from a higher Spiritual Place.  And I have certainly been able to take off my masks during my writing time, albeit much of what I say makes people really uncomfortable at times for some reason.  Or it inspires people to drive harder and want to find personal healing.  In order to heal internally it does require some personal responsibility which is why I started this journey in the first place!  But, nonetheless, I have been giving feedback on both accounts, that sometimes I make people upset by my fierce Spiritual Warrior spirit but I just keep on being Me.  There is a handful of supportive people out there that allow me to help pray for them and share in their hurts and wounds so I can a.) be at throne room of prayer for them and b.) trust that when I say I hold space for their needs whether on the table or on my prayer board.  I really do hold space for them with a fierceness of fight that I  hope sends some demon like energies fleeing………Sound’s like a Pentacostal Revival to some but Spiritual Warfare  says “I am here to help you PUSH. Pray Until Something Happens.  (Action….again Throat Chakra Energy).

Guys, I am here to make you laugh.  I am here to help you check in on your emotions and I am here to help you release pain whether due to body mechanics or emotional blockages.  I am here to advocate for those that cannot or maybe do not advocate for themselves.  I am here.

Today is about Throat Chakra healing options and I try to only say what I think needs to be said so that “I find permanent healing in expression, therefore helping others to open their blue musical centers.

My public display of open discussion about my private affairs is not meant to frustrated others but to challenge you to connect with your body and your mind and live your life with the same Life Force energy available to all of us!  It is about using your own voice and finding victory over what stifles you.

My work here on Earth is meant to help liberate people from holding back on their truths granted, right now, people in society are doing one of two things…………Either vocalizing their distaste for the current state of affairs OR they are doing the RIGHT thing and keeping a watchful eye on where we are heading so that they can benefit naturally from the state of affairs as prosed to the World.   I am one who is trying to put Right Action behind my Words.  (Says Buddha all the day long………..)

And in my World, I am perfectly aware that really every ounce of energy I have is reserved to help people find healing, especially with massage therapy!  But there is more to it than this!

Of course, financially being of support for my family while we seek and wait for a door to open for my husband, is a taxing rite that is not pretty for us right now.  You want the truth???  It is a daily walk of faith right now for us and times are quite tough and massage is hard ass physical labor which is why I am strengthing my body and at my age, I will either head toward better health or quickly digress into the throws of age pissed off that my boobs are saggy and my butt may never completely round out……..LOL!  But I am trying!!!  It is a good game for me mentally to watch my figure shape shift after being a survivor of childhood obesity, if you want to tag it to some type of syndrome.  You know how we have to tag every issue in life as some form of disfunction! 😉  But does it pay the bills……..barely.  For now………….But I use my downtime in-between sessions wisely by further educating myself on my trade AND my journaling for my clients to outcomes and responses behind “touch therapy” and how it WILL affect us years from now.  I am tracking the effects of “living in a desensitized World” verses the Healing Benefits behind the art of Healing Touch.  It is amazing at best what I am learning about the human body.  What a beautiful mess we are!  🙂

You see, at every turn is that little dark spirit of Fear trying to lurk at my door to saying, “You won’t make it.” “You will be out on the streets.”  “Your LGE is going to get cut off.”   “You’re cell phone will get cut off and you will have no way contact clients and your business will fail.”   The truth is 60% of my appointments cancel, or more……..  Most of the time people cancel the day of the event so I do not have time to find new clients and ouch that hurts the pocket book terribly……  Now, granted life happens and at first glance most Massage Therapists like any other honored profession get frustrated at no shows or cancellations because the client forgot they had to make dinner that night.  You would be surprised at what people say………I only present this to you because I put massage on a pedestal and I also find that respect for anyone on that level is kind of a gimmie……(Insert I sound like a Bitch…….SORRY……I am not trying too!)  But you have to see, just like any traditional Scorpio Mind, we are a healing sign as in the Caduceus.)  It is an ancient thing and I did NOT make that up!

Our medical facilities are peppered with this symbol as in, “Come in.  Seek Refuse in the Medicine We Offer You.” But I ask you, take a moment and read the details of the above symbol.  Please open the link.

I think you will find healing is more than just a $40 copay and a prescription for Adderall.  (trademark).  Healing Energy comes from within first.  When are we going to get more aggressive in our approach for better mind, body and spirit health?  When?  Tomorrow?  January 1?  Never?  You choose.  But when you do decide a Massage Therapist is more than just a boojya’ spa experience with some lavender oil and a warm eye pillow, then come see me and let’s chat on it.  I don’t mean to sound belligerent.  I mean to sound truthful.  (Blue Energy Center=Thyroid Health)……but when you are educated to see the truth behind the practice (and it is a practice like other professionals) you want people to know the real deal behind the therapist.  I do not play when it comes to my work on the table.  It is an expression of my love to see people feel better if even for an hour.

Look, I am VERY protective of the trade of massage and know that with great knowledge and wisdom in how we use our hands, it is key to the success of this trade.  I KNOW this trade is an important resource that can help mitigate the rising cost of health claims and quite frankly, a profession, although it has miles and miles to go to be considered a priority for people, will help facilitate healing faster than so many traditional ways unlike pills or surgery.  

Traditional medicine and the people working therein, are now overwhelmed with every aspect of  helping us “Get Well or Stay Well” but why do people not see the correlation between being proactive in their “war on stress and pain verses reaching the point of no return, but it is not my journey to take on your behalf.”  I am virtually begging nurses to come see me because they are so tired and stressed out and because they are typically not cutting the emotional cords when working with their patients and need to know how!  I am offering great discounts to help nurses and only one or two are on my table.  I want to have a huge client base of RN’s and LPN’s on my table to help them cope with being a servant to our sick and unwell.  I ache to see them strong and active in the love for what they do!!!!

Being a Massage Therapist is one of the most important things in my life BUT it is not the ONLY thing.  Listening to the Spirit of God for guidance in our World each and every day is.  I can only pray the tenacity I have for being stronger, better and more courageous bleeds over and HELPS other people find their channel for total healing.  Therefore I write about it and be honest about my life rather than come across as a negative rant about my constant cancellations or no shows as a pain in my ass.  (Said no Massage Therapist Ever……..right…………)  Everything happens for a reason.  Learning Mindfulness and Body Awareness is the Key to Balanced Health!  Yeah, I am classifed educated enough to help with that.  🙂  Guys, it is time to quit pretending that integrated medicine is not important.  I dare say, it is crucial to our survival.

In Christ Heart Chakra Love,